#Friday Fictioneers – Flowers

Thank you Madison Woods for yet another excellent photo prompt. I had a few ideas, but struggled to get them down in the way I wanted. The ending is a little abrupt so I may have another go at writing it later on. If you want to have a go, view the photo, write approx 100 words and post back at Madison’s blog.

Friday Fictioneers

Flowers

Morning sun colours the field sepia like an old picture. A lonely white flower waves at me as the wind brushes my face. The sound of the breeze is magnetic and the flower urges me to move closer. My fingers clench the fence and I feel blood trickle down my wrist but there is no pain. My palms are without injury and the barbed wire is decorated in red. Looking up the flower is gone and my girl with blond tussled hair is calling ‘Mum’. I run to her so fast that I nearly trip. The faster I run, the further away she seems. My mouth tries to scream her name ‘Katie’ but nothing comes out. My knees give way and I hit the ground. A jolt surges through me and my eyes open. Awake.

 

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48 thoughts on “#Friday Fictioneers – Flowers

  1. Gary says:

    I got the impression that this woman is being resuscitated in a hospital, the jolt being the defibrillators that finally bring her back from the brink of death.
    The images she sees all have a dreamlike quality too, I especially like the idea of the sepia sunlight, made me picture it instantly!

    • EmmaMc says:

      Hi Gary, It wasn’t intentional but that is a brilliant way to finish the story. Just the ending I was looking for… may have to tweak the ending now. Thank you for the comment!

  2. Lora Mitchell says:

    The ending gave me a jolt. I want to believe the white flower was Katie’s spirit reaching out to her. Powerful take on the prompt. Tks for visiting me.

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you Brandon. Slightly influenced by missing Maddy, who still hasn’t been found after 5 years so was in the press a lot this week. Couldn’t help but think about how her parents must be feeling.

  3. elmowrites says:

    I loved the description of the fear, although any story that ends with “it was all a dream” or the equivalent, is going to drop in my estimation. I love the idea that she is stuck on the edge of death, though, I think that would be a much stronger ending. Either way, it leaves the question of whether the little girl is really missing, or this is just a nightmare. I’d like you to somehow give the answer to that question if you can!
    But it’s a lot to ask in 100 words and the descriptions here are vivid and emotional. With work on the ending, you’d have something very powerful!

    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/friday-fiction-soul-memories/

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thanks for the critique, always appreciated. I hoped that I wrote it surreal enough that it was apparent that it was a dream in the first place. I agree though, it would be stronger if the ending was that she was on the brink of death etc.

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you! I am tempted to rewrite the ending a tad to include the suggestions from earlier comments. Seems to bit a bit of a mixed feeling about the ending!

  4. Madison Woods says:

    I actually have sepia-tone dreams sometimes so when you set the scene with that right away I felt it. And I agree with Siobhan, I like the abrupt ending.

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thanks Madison! Interesting that you have sepia dreams too, I have them occasionally and seems to be a way to make it separate from reality.

  5. rich says:

    that was great until the last word. i’m not a fan of someone waking from a dream – unless it’s that thing when what’s happening around you becomes part of your dream. so you wake, and you think you’re safe, but then it’s real. that would be cool. but that panic you had in there was very real.

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