#Friday Fictioneers – Going Under

I missed Friday Fictioneers last week and back on it today and found it a little tricky. I rewrote this several times and there are many alternative endings, however the one with the unhappy ending prevailed (doesn’t it always!)

If you want to have a go, view the image courtesy of Madison Woods and write 100 words based on that story. Visit her site, comment on her story with a link back to your own. 100 words is a guide rather than a rule, I’ve gone over yet again!

Friday Fictioneers

Going Under

It started under the bridge and tonight that’s where it would end. Nick waited in the concrete shadows, shivering in the cold. The echoes of her stiletto footsteps pounded against the walls as she walked towards him.  Jessica’s curves clung to her red dress, her long dark hair tumbling past her shoulders. Nick looked down at his wedding ring and then back at the stunning woman in front of him. For a year they had led separate lives, his wife barely spoke to him, their vows erased like a painful memory. It was supposed to end tonight but Nick was unsure which direction he should walk.

Jessica smiled “You coming?”

He nodded, took her hand and followed her through the darkness.

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37 thoughts on “#Friday Fictioneers – Going Under

  1. Madison Woods says:

    Either way sounds like an unhappy ending in that one, LOL. I know. Recently been in a spot like that. Great use of a difficult prompt! Mine was slow in coming too, but you turned out a great scene.

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you! I felt bad for him and had rewritten it so many times but the same dilemma kept rearing it’s head so went with it.

    • EmmaMc says:

      I wasn’t consciously aiming for hard-boiled but interesting that’s what you saw… must be because I am experiementing with crime fiction at the moment and watching a bit too much dectective/crime dramas. Thanks for commenting.

  2. elmowrites says:

    I enjoyed this and I thought you captured the moment of decision well. Like a couple of the others, I would have liked you to make it clearer whether Jessica was the wife or the lover, though. I thought at first she was the wife, but that didn’t fit with your description of an unhappy ending, so I was confused!

  3. rich says:

    here’s where i get annoying. this line: The echoes of her stiletto footsteps pounded against the walls… i’m assuming by “stiletto” you mean heels. and the only reason for those heels is “sexy.” but “pounded” doesn’t make for sexy. not with footsteps anyway. i would consider something like “echoes of her stilettos clicked off the walls…”

    other than that, i’m wondering who gets to play her when the movie comes out.

  4. Judee says:

    Well, I guess this is probably more realistic than an honerable ending. Your writing took me into the scene vividly, and I even had a little sympathy for the poor guy – but not much, lol. Good intentions don’t count uless you carry them through. Like I said, realistic.

  5. Lora Mitchell says:

    Like the others, I was confused and read it several times hoping to find a clue… whether Jessica was his wife or lover. The answer, of course, came in one of your replies. Loved your description of her. I visualized an Angelina Jole’ type. How could he resist? No hot-blooded man could or would. Wonderful take on the prompt. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

  6. Jake Kale says:

    Add me to the list of the confused. I mean in general, not just about this story. I wonder what I would do if I were in Nick’s place. Would I do the right thing, or would I think with the wrong head? Chances are I would just break out into a juvenile snigger at the line, “You coming?”

    I don’t know about hardboiled, but this entry was certainly… provocative, shall we say. That’s not a bad thing. Here’s my entry:
    http://jaykayel.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/patience-100ish-word-flash-fiction/

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