Friday Fictioneers #3 – The Black Canopy

Here is my third Friday Fictioneer’s story courtesy of a photo prompt from Madison Woods. If you want to join in, visit her blog to view the photo prompt and try to write a story in 100 words. Once you’re done share your story by posting a link as a comment on her blog.

She calls my name but I won’t come out. In here I am safe. The air is cool and the sun won’t burn my skin. Moving my hands around the dirt I push my whole body into the shadows. It wasn’t always like this. During my earth years I would run along the beach just to see the sun rise. Now immortality reins my soul and the new world comes alive when the moon lights up the dark sky. I hear her body slide down outside my tomb where she waits for me. “They’re coming for us” she whispers as the ground starts to tremble with the footsteps of a hundred men.

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57 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers #3 – The Black Canopy

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you! I tried to write in a devoted side kick who originates from his earth days… hopefully that gives a bit away.

  1. Madison Woods says:

    I sense a vampire story with a fresh point of view πŸ™‚ I liked that! Always have liked vampire tales but haven’t kept up with the recent developments (recent meaning anything in the past ten years or maybe more). Yours hearkens back to the Anne Rice flavors, my favorite.

    • EmmaMc says:

      Same, I haven’t really been paying attention to the latest vampire escapades but I must admit I used to love vampire TV shows, especially Joss Whedon’s Angel. Thank you for the comment πŸ™‚

      • maturestudenthanginginthere says:

        You are very, very welcome. Most deserved. I love that you are such a passionate writer and whenever I get writers block your posts always inspire me to hang in there. πŸ˜‰

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you Sarah and I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’ve just read yours and really liked it… I will pop by and add a comment.

    • EmmaMc says:

      Hi Jeannie, thank you so much and really please it made such an impact. I’ve just stopped by yours and your poem is wonderful. Although the link here didn’t work so I don’t know whether it’s the same if you’ve posted anywhere else.

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you, I haven’t been keeping track of vampire tales recently but the story seemed to form that way. Really glad you liked it.

  2. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Emma,

    I like the quiet tone of the narrator throughout your piece. It increases the tension slowly until the end when the footsteps of the hundred men suddenly ramp it up the the breaking point. The use of terms that have the ring of oft used terminology of another ‘species’ rings true. I felt myself rooting for your character. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • EmmaMc says:

      Hi Doug

      Thank you very much and I am pleased that you felt the tension and routed for him. What I love about this exercise is the challenge of building tension with very few words.

      And also thank you for the follow.

      Emma πŸ™‚

  3. niiko47 says:

    Considering the poor state of affairs with regard to vampire fiction of late, this is a welcome breath of fresh air.
    I’d like to see more differing takes (like this) on the sub-genre, I rather enjoyed this story.

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you Susan. He still has the survival instinct, I did enjoy trying to humanise a creature who was once human!

    • EmmaMc says:

      By the way I tried to comment on yours but it wouldn’t let me, so here’s my feedback

      The first line gives you hope of sweet tale but by the end it conveys your worst nightmare which I didn’t expect at all. A very interesting take and thought it was great how you incorporated wasps into this story (Don’t suppose you have been watching Grimm?). This picture has provoked so many scary stories, I don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight. Great job πŸ™‚

    • EmmaMc says:

      Hi Lora, Maybe I should turn it into a mini screen play πŸ˜‰ Thank you for your comment and look forward to reading your story!

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you very much πŸ™‚ It didn’t start out that way but I guess you can’t ignore what is being imposed on you. Thanks for commenting!

  4. Mike says:

    A great story.
    I loved the way the fear came across so vividly. Fear of the outside light and sun, ‘she’, whoever that is outside waiting for him and then the threat of the footsteps of a hundred men.

  5. sphrbn says:

    Really gripping, a great start to a novel. The way you’ve described the character is great too, especially how you recalled some of the characters past. “I would run along the beach just to see the sunrise”

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you! I was attempting to humanise the ‘creature’ and give a hint as to his past and how he longs to go back to how it was. Guess deep down I feel sorry for vampires.

    • EmmaMc says:

      Hi Jake, thanks for your comment. I don’t read that much vampire literature either so I’m pleased that what I have written reverts back to Anne Rice even if it wasn’t initially intended!

  6. Quill Shiv says:

    I’m sorry I’m so late to the party!

    I loooved this piece.As others have said, I’ve soured on Vampire tales, but this really brings hope back into the genre. I would love to see this develop and take back the fangs!

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