Friday Fictioneers #2 – Without a Trace

Here is my Friday Fictioneer’s effort – I admit it is way over the 100 word mark however I am struggling to cut it down. Hopefully I will get a chance to edit this weekend however as midnight is fast approaching I’m going to give it to you in it’s draft state.

Thank you once again Madison Woods for this week’s photo prompt. Another great image to get the creativity going, I have a feeling I have gone down the same route as a few other writers but as I set myself a challenge to write a bit of crime this week it was the perfect prompt. If you want to take part then take a look at the picture on her blog, write 100 words and post it back on Madison’s blog as a comment.

—–

“How long have they been gone for?” Detective Stephen Vega looked around the room. Aside from a group of officers gathering evidence and taking photographs, everything looked exactly as it did weeks before. A half empty mug stood next to neatly stacked books on the coffee table, smiles from family photos lingered like ghosts and abandoned toys remained scattered over the floor. It was the most inconspicuous drug den Steve had ever seen.

“Neighbours say they haven’t been seen for at least three weeks” replied the young officer as he flipped through his notepad.

“Alright, well it looks like they left in a hurry. They didn’t take much with them. My guess is that they have crossed the border by now“

Stephen examined the silvery-yellow jewel muted by its sterile plastic cover. Crime scenes often left his mind riddled with questions however now only one dominated his thoughts. Was he responsible for his brother disappearing without a trace, leaving only jewels and drugs in his wake?

Read part two here

Advertisements

23 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers #2 – Without a Trace

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you for commenting. My old line of work involved putting together evidence for court cases so seeing jewels in the plastic bags I couldn’t help but think of a crime scene. And yes, that is also where I got the drugs idea from – that and watching far too many detective/cop shows!

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you Susie, I will probably give it a go this week – although I’m saying that about a lot of stories at the moment. I keep forgetting I work full time!

  1. The Lime says:

    Very interesting! I love the connection you establish between the detective and his brother – it might even be nice to know that connection earlier on because of how much life it injects into the scene (but far be it from me to suggest it would necessarily be better — only a thought).

    Thanks for writing, excellent piece 🙂

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you, I was considering putting something in a bit earlier to show that he at least knew the missing person. I’m going to rewrite it anyway so will see how it fits in. Thanks for commenting.

  2. bridgesareforburning says:

    Neatly dropped hint that makes us wonder about Vega’s previous connection, which you resolve at the very end. There’s one sentence I can’t sort out. Maybe it’s just me. Just can’t get that coffee table to fit. Good story!

    • EmmaMc says:

      I think it’s because I missed out a word, I missed it whilst proof reading! Should be sorted now and make sense. Thank you for the comment and glad you enjoyed the story.

    • EmmaMc says:

      Hi Doug, thank you for stopping by and for spotting the missing word which I have now put back in! Pleased that you liked the crime scene and will certainly be experimenting with this genre over the next few weeks.

    • EmmaMc says:

      Thank you, a few people have said similar things – maybe I should take the hint and see if I can turn it into a lengthier tale!

  3. Madison Woods says:

    What a great last line! I like the way you set all that up without revealing the ‘brother’ until the end, without making it a contrived twist.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s