Thank you Madison Woods for yet another excellent photo prompt. I had a few ideas, but struggled to get them down in the way I wanted. The ending is a little abrupt so I may have another go at writing it later on. If you want to have a go, view the photo, write approx 100 words and post back at Madison’s blog.
Flowers
Morning sun colours the field sepia like an old picture. A lonely white flower waves at me as the wind brushes my face. The sound of the breeze is magnetic and the flower urges me to move closer. My fingers clench the fence and I feel blood trickle down my wrist but there is no pain. My palms are without injury and the barbed wire is decorated in red. Looking up the flower is gone and my girl with blond tussled hair is calling ‘Mum’. I run to her so fast that I nearly trip. The faster I run, the further away she seems. My mouth tries to scream her name ‘Katie’ but nothing comes out. My knees give way and I hit the ground. A jolt surges through me and my eyes open. Awake.
Vivid dream pictures. Did she lose her child?
Here’s mine http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-story/
Yes she did, hard to capture those feelings in 100 words
You did the job well I felt sadness with “The flower is gone with my girl”
I think you did just fine Emma.
I got the impression that this woman is being resuscitated in a hospital, the jolt being the defibrillators that finally bring her back from the brink of death.
The images she sees all have a dreamlike quality too, I especially like the idea of the sepia sunlight, made me picture it instantly!
Hi Gary, It wasn’t intentional but that is a brilliant way to finish the story. Just the ending I was looking for… may have to tweak the ending now. Thank you for the comment!
Wonderfully vivid description. You can feel her pain and panic in the last few sentences. Great job.
Here’s mine
http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/flash-fiction-story-3-for-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/
Thank you!
I rather like the jolt at the end. Nice job.
Thank you Rochelle.
The ending gave me a jolt. I want to believe the white flower was Katie’s spirit reaching out to her. Powerful take on the prompt. Tks for visiting me.
That’s indeed what it was! Glad you enjoyed it and thank you for stopping by.
Quite sad. The lose of a child is horribly difficult on one’s mind, body, and spirit. You did a great job conveying her pain.
My attempt: http://authorbrandonscott.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/when-hope-dies/
Thank you Brandon. Slightly influenced by missing Maddy, who still hasn’t been found after 5 years so was in the press a lot this week. Couldn’t help but think about how her parents must be feeling.
I think the ending works nicely. I love how you blended a peaceful image with something so horrible. Nice job.
http://whimsicalquestsofacuriousmind.blogspot.com/
Thank you so much Jess!
Love the imagery! Paints such a picture of beautiful despair. Especially the magnetic breeze!
Thanks William!
a very surreal tone, like the words float. nice.
Thanks Craig, surreal is what I was going for.
A dream, or nightmare, very well decribed.
Thank you Carlos.
Your stories always seem to grip right away…brilliant again
Wow thank you so much! That’s made my day
Powerful dream of loss and sorrow. Nicely done.
Here’s mine: http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/
Thank you, heading over your way next!
So sad. I felt all that pain in this piece. Nice job
Beautifully sad, with a strong sense of loss and pain. Thank God it was a dream, though it seemed real. Here is mine: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/fridayfictioneers-sobibor/
Tried to make it feel real, but not if you know what I mean. Thank you for commenting
I loved the description of the fear, although any story that ends with “it was all a dream” or the equivalent, is going to drop in my estimation. I love the idea that she is stuck on the edge of death, though, I think that would be a much stronger ending. Either way, it leaves the question of whether the little girl is really missing, or this is just a nightmare. I’d like you to somehow give the answer to that question if you can!
But it’s a lot to ask in 100 words and the descriptions here are vivid and emotional. With work on the ending, you’d have something very powerful!
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/friday-fiction-soul-memories/
Thanks for the critique, always appreciated. I hoped that I wrote it surreal enough that it was apparent that it was a dream in the first place. I agree though, it would be stronger if the ending was that she was on the brink of death etc.
I think it’s perfect as it is. The abruptness is exactly the way I’ve woken up out of scary dreams. Nicely done!
Here’s mine:
http://siobhanmuir.blogspot.com/2012/04/another-200-words-for-fridayfictioneers.html
Siobhan
Thank you! I am tempted to rewrite the ending a tad to include the suggestions from earlier comments. Seems to bit a bit of a mixed feeling about the ending!
Great dream scene. Very well written. Here is mine…http://blog.tompoet.com/?p=312
Thank you Tom!
I actually have sepia-tone dreams sometimes so when you set the scene with that right away I felt it. And I agree with Siobhan, I like the abrupt ending.
Thanks Madison! Interesting that you have sepia dreams too, I have them occasionally and seems to be a way to make it separate from reality.
Part way through I actually thought “Dream?” Sure enough! Nice work. I like this!
Thank you Caerlynn!
It’s like you painted a picture. Very well done.
Here’s mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/04/27/scraped/
Wow, thank you Janet!
Excellent, dreamy, writing style. You conveyed the character’s feelings almost perfectly. I hope, someday, “Katie” is found.
Here’s mine: http://goinswriter.com/writing-career/
Thank you Robert!
This is definitely haunting. Not sure you need to change anything. It should go on, though. Anyone this haunted deserves deeper development.
Thank you! I am tempted to develop this further and make it into a longer tale.
VERY well done–I lived the night terror with your mother.
Thanks for visiting my site.
Thank you! And no problem, really enjoyed your story also.
that was great until the last word. i’m not a fan of someone waking from a dream – unless it’s that thing when what’s happening around you becomes part of your dream. so you wake, and you think you’re safe, but then it’s real. that would be cool. but that panic you had in there was very real.